Its Friday!!!

This week has been one of those weeks where you feel like you're spinning your wheels. Climbing out of quicksand, and trying to win a race while dragging a big weight....You know the kind. Every effort seems produce few results. But you keep spinning, climbing and running. Because what other choice is there? This is what perseverance is all about. This is the stuff that strong character is made of. Choosing to plug in when it's easy to check out. Choosing to press on towards the prize even if it seems there's no way you'll ever reach it. Put up or shut up, sink or swim... so many cliches revolve around this concept. The part I struggle with probably has something to do with my high value for justice, fairness and logic. If you work hard you should bear fruit, right? Not always.... Or maybe I should say not immediately. Or maybe the fruit you bore was internal and not external. Like watering a peach tree in the hot hot sun and growing a pear. So- I surrender my need for predictability, and my desired response, and look to see what kind of fruit grows. Maybe I'll learn to like surprises...

One step at a time...

After a family fun weekend at Water Country USA, lets just say I became shockingly aware of my age. And my level of fit-ness. Or lack thereof. Now, thankfully Water Country isn't exactly a place where the gods and goddesses of beauty hang out where people can admire them while eating turkey legs and ice cream. I didn't feel out of place, but walking around in a bathing suit with perfect strangers for a day will give you some perspective. It's not just about appearance anyway. But, about how I felt... I was breathless... I was tired. I wanted to lay on the lounge chairs instead of giving my kids another piggy back swim... Good grief, I thought, I'm getting old. Suddenly it was like an alarm went off in my scull. At this point I am officially closer to 30 than I am to 29. And you know what? There's alot I don't mind about that. Considering the alternative to aging is well, dying, I am grateful to have another birthday. Also, on a serious note, I like who I am and my life a whole lot better than who and where I was at 20. It's reasonable to think I will only refine as time goes by. Like a fine wine. :) Unless... Unless of course I shrivel up. Like a grape that turns into a raisin... Continue to loose muscle tone and agility. Stop working on my character and give into bitterness. Oh Lord, I don't want to be one of those.... I better start doing something fast. If you have read this blog at all, you know I have been pretty diligent about my heart. But let's be honest, I've been pretty negligent about the physical aspect of aging.... So, I approached my 40 something neighbor, who is officially a hot mom, I swear, she gardens in a bikini and nobody minds. She walks every morning. Every morning. Unless it's raining. Even in the winter. She's a fanatic. And she has more energy than anybody else I know. I asked if I could join her. Absolutely! She invited me warmly, be at the corner at 5:00 AM. Crap. 5:00 AM? It's not even light out then. Is that safe? But I found myself nodding in agreement and spending the rest of the evening going between dread, and maybe a little excitement? My alarm when off at 4:45. For a second I thought it was a mistake. I thought of a million reasons to stay in bed. And then I got up. I harnessed my crazy Australian Shepherd who craves exercise, and walked out on the porch. After just a minute, my neighbor came walking up. Well not really walking. Is there a word for the pace that comes just before jogging? Wogging, perhaps? Oh, well, too late to turn back now. My neighbor explained that she meets two other woman along the mile long loop that is our neighborhood. Only one would join us today, we'd walk the loop twice and then she'd run for three more miles. Wow. I was about to be shamed by two woman a little less than twice my age. I hoped they wouldn't talk to me. If I could avoid speaking it wouldn't be obvious how out of breath I was. No such luck. These were friendly neighbors. Closing in on that first mile, I could see my house. It looked like a haven all dewy and glowing by porch light in the morning dusk... Seriously, even though it badly needs to be power washed and landscape, it had never looked more beautiful. I could stop. Debbie told me when she first started 10 years ago, she couldn't even make it to the stop sign. Of course, right after that she said it's a state of mind and you just have to push through it. My pride and sense of determination and competition kept me going. And you know what? The second mile was easier than the first. Interesting isn't it? Just when I thought I was going to pass out. At that moment between giving up and pressing on, right at the very second I decided to keep wogging- one step at a time, it got just a little easier...

Some Days....

Some days I find time to notice things like a butterfly being blown by the wind... Today was one of those days :). During the busy craziness that is my life my heart smiles just a little when I catch a glimpse of nature, and am left in awe. Can you imagine being so small that a gust of wind would literally send you soaring? I for one can not imagine existing with grace and delicacy of a butterfly, I stumble and fall both literally and figuratively all the time! But for a butterfly who flutters deliberately and carefully I imagine a strong gust of wind would be quite the shock. It made me wonder about the wind in my life.... the elements that have the power to knock me off my feet. Sometimes, I'm knocked to my knees, in prayer and petition... but sometimes I'm laid right out. It seems that in the swirling hectic life I lead, I'm grasping for some stability.... And I think I'm finding it. This season of my life has been one of learning and growing. Two steps forward and one step back, right? All I know is that things that previously would have sent me to the other side, though may sway me, do not hold the power they once did. And, the lapse of time between my deviation and return to my deliberate and careful path is just a little shorter. I think once again, for me, it's about release and surrender. Laying it down, going with the flow, and learning how to ride the wind... and even enjoy it :) I wonder if the butterfly appreciated the boost....