I remember the early days... The very beginning of my fairy tale, when I told My Love that I felt like I was falling.... As weightless as the leaves that fell from the trees, suspended, and guided, floating on breezes and gusts that make the branches dance. I remember seeing life through lenses of wonder- amazed by every season...
Slowly my appreciation for wonder ceased, as I took on the weight on responsibility of my new roles. Wife, Mommy, Budget Balancer, House Keeper... The list goes on and on. Can you hear the choruses of"Cinderella Cinderella night and day it's Cinderella". Here's the thing though.... It's impossible to be weightless and full of wonder when you voluntarily carry the weight of your world on your shoulders. And it's a crushing weight. A soul crushing weight. It's a blinding weight- robbing your perspective of all that is full of beauty... How is it that the beginning of the Fairy Tale was full of wonder, energizing tummy jitters, and delight- but that the reality of our life together has become full of to do lists, and frets, and worries and fears? Where is the line between wisdom and fear? When did I surrender my appreciation for all that was wonderful and trade it in for my perceived grasp on reality?
I'm trading it back. This weekend, I saw grains of sand individually falling from my baby's grasp, and I was as full of amazement as she. I saw a tapestry of clouds in a masterpiece of sky outlining a Carolina sound, and though- "God must have had quite a time designing that one." I saw the brilliant gleam of sun, outlining those same clouds on its way down, sinking sinking, seemingly right into the sound- giving way to a big bright moon, and it's stars that surround it. I felt the gusts when fall came. Not gently this time, but abruptly and determinedly taking its rightful place.... Soon leaves will turn, and then fall... And I want to fall with them. Deeply and gracefully in to the arms of a Loving God, full of wonder...
So, I surrender. I surrender the roles, the responsibilities... I'm wiggling out from underneath the weight of what was never mine to carry.... and I'm falling, little by little, day by day....
