Confessions of a Black Friday Shopper....

Okay: Disclaimer I realize that I'm about to enter into a gigantic controversial topic, but let it be known that I am not trying to start a war.  My choices are my own, I'm comfortable with them, and I'm comfortable with the fact they may not be yours.  It's okay if we disagree, and choose to spend our time differently, I don't necessarily believe that these are "rights and wrongs"  in every case there are consequences to our choices, and we must each bare out those consequences.  This is not a defensive justification, I'm simply trying to share my perspective and experiences because I feel that there's alot of material written on this subject from the opposite perspective.

With that said,  for the greater part of the past decade, and maybe even longer.... I've been a black Friday shopper.  My earliest memories of Black Friday shopping were with my Aunt and cousins shopping in the Northern Chicago area.  My eyes were wide at the lines and crowds of people waiting in line to get "the deal".  Hey, if you don't know me I'm a bit competitive.  I'm also a really really high extrovert. That means, this thing was right up my alley.  I wanted be in the center of the crowd, I wanted to strategize about the savings, and I wanted to win.

I've "Black Friday" shopped with lots of different friends and family, whom I won't name, you can tag yourself if you want to come out of the closet and admit that you like it too.  I've black Friday shopped in South Carolina, Virginia Beach, the Peninsula, Florida, Illinois and online.  I've been at Walmart and at Best Buy,  at Old Navy and at the Outlets, I've gone early in the morning and stayed out all night.  I have lots of different memories.

As with anything consumer focused, when the consumer habits change, industry and sales companies change as well, in order to continue to get in front of and meet the needs of the consumer in exchange for a profit.  I hate to break it to you, in case you didn't realize, but few if any retailers, and few businesses exists with non-profit status.  That means that any time you go to the grocery store, amazon.com, or Tarjay you are participating in consumerism.  If that bothers you, spin thread to make clothes, slaughter animals you raise and plant a garden.  Otherwise you are a part of consumer spending that drives our economy, whether you spend the money the day after Thanksgiving or any of the other 364 days a year.  Guess what, when consumer spending is up, it has a positive effect on the economy. Is it a broken system, yep, but this blog isn't exactly about that.  If you have convictions to boycott the system I applaud and respect you.  Living a self sustaining lifestyle requires an incredible amount of discipline and commitment.  I do want to point out though, choosing not to participate one day doesn't mean you aren't part of the overall problem.  Food for thought. 

So, back to the change in habits....  Black Friday started on Thursday the last couple of  years.  At first, it didn't bother me.  I had Thanksgiving with my family, put my little ones to bed and kissed my hubby goodbye at 10:00 PM, rushing off to Freeze my booty with my cohorts while we laughed about our day, reflected on our memories and planned the christmas shopping list for our friends and families.  This year it was a bit different, instead of starting at 10:00, or Midnight, things went on all day long.  I didn't participate during the day because I have a family, hosted Thanksgiving dinner, where we able to share a meal with both family, and new friends, some of whom we'd never met but didn't have someplace else to go, or other family to share it with.  From there, we packed up our crew and spent time with the other side of our family at my brother's home.  I'm blessed to have children, a husband, local family and a home large enough to share with those that don't.  But I'm not going to lie, if I were young single and alone, I'd probably have been out all day.  Crucify me if you will.  I did however start a couple of hours earlier.  And I did miss time with my family.  I missed the two hours before bed time where the tired kids came down from the sugar high and had to be coerced into bed like herding cats.  Shout out to my husband for allowing me to miss that little piece of heaven.

Matt Walsh, a popular blogger recently got published on Huffington Post.  The post was titled "If you shop on Thanksgiving you are part of the problem."  For the record, I really love this guy.  He's funny, edgy, and calls things out.  I feel like though in this post, maybe it lacks perspective.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-walsh/shopping-on-thanksgiving_b_4310109.html

Matt says he wont participate if for no other reason than:  "I'm not going to force some single mom to ring up my worthless purchases instead of enjoying Thanksgiving with her children."

He goes on to say: "These employees will be there, in their name tags and their vests, waiting on impatient mobs of customers while their families eat without them."

I mean, I guess he could be right.  Assuming that they have families.  It was interesting though, one lady who rang me up had been at work all blessed day, working on her 13th hour.  I apologized for being "part of the problem"  and told her I appreciated her.  Her response?  "I appreciate you, I need the work."  So, did I force her to be there?"  How many people who posted or said terrible things about black friday shoppers who shopped on Thanksgiving went out to buy last minute forgotten grocery items to pull off your dinner?  Cornstarch, ice, cranberry sauce any one?  I mean those check out people deserve to be home too, right?  Unless they don't want to.  Maybe home would be alone.  Maybe home would mean a short paycheck and they couldn't pay their bills, maybe they aren't from the USA, and Thanksgiving isn't even their holiday.  I mean, they don't celebrate turkey day everywhere folks. 

I'm in Real Estate.  I've given many a night, many a weekend, many a holiday helping families find their homes.  Most of them would have rather not been shopping then, but many of them were Military service men and woman, and that was the only time they had.  Many of them were hard working professionals with little time off who sacrificed their holidays to help their family get out of a rental and into a home.  And I sacrificed my time, with my family to serve them.  Because that's what you do when you are in the service industry.  You serve, which comes at times with a price, but at least if it's your profession it also comes with a paycheck.  Single moms have brains. No one is forcing them to ring up a cash register on Thanksgiving, they are working hard to earn a paycheck and serve their kids, and I think that's terrific.  I think it's better than waiting in line to collect public assistance.  I appreciate them, I appreciate what they do, I appreciate their sacrifice, and I treat them with respect and dignity.  I don't think that they are mindless lemmings controlled by and at the mercy of selfish consumers.

CNN Money posted this expose about how you aren't really getting a "deal".  http://money.cnn.com/video/pf/2013/11/26/pf-black-friday-deals-sales-dont-get-fooled.cnnmoney/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

The reporter said this:"The Money is in your pocket!!! And you happily reach in, pull it out and pay pay pay......" Um... is this really news.  I've never thought someone else paid for the things that I purchased.  Does it make a difference when I pay pay pay?  They explain the retail "game" like this:

Cost to make a sweater: 14.50

Starting shelf price $50.00  

Average sale price $28.00

Retailer makes $13.50. 

I repeat, is this news?  I didn't knit the sweater.  Or sheer the sheep, or spin the man-made materials to crochet the thing.  So I'm going to pay someone right?  Someone has to make a dime, that's how the economy works.  I am still getting a deal if I would have bought the thing for $50.00.  If I want to stand in line in 26 degree weather and giggle with my friends in order to save a few that's a bonus.

Here's my deal.  Be thankful.  Be grateful for your blessings.  Don't be driven by the consumption of goods seeking a "something" to fill a void that could never be filled by the collecting of things.  Don't just be thankful on Thanksgiving.  Adopt a spirit of gratitude, of thankfulness that is a lifestyle, not an observation that eclipses on a special Thursday in November.  Spend time with your family if you have one, don't substitute time with your kids for toys.  Hello Kitty and electric scooters can't replace cuddles, hugs and happy memories.  However, Hello Kitty isn't the devil and electric scooters are all kinds of fun and its okay if they are a part of the happy memories you make with your kids.

Don't buy things you don't have money for.  Don't put anything on credit if you can't pay the bill next month.  If you pay finance charges, you aren't getting a deal, or saving any money.  I spent ten years enslaved to consumer debt, and I am now free.  I'm never going back, but I don't have to stop buying gifts or shopping on Black Friday in order to avoid that.  I have to use discipline, and common sense in order to avoid that.  

When you have a heart that's poised in gratitude and a lifestyle that's knee is bent to self restraint and discipline you don't have to worry about getting overtaken by the system.

My Thanksgiving nights and wee early black friday hours are spent with close friends, giggling, laughing, caught up in the rush of saving five bucks on kids PJ's, or getting yet another super soft blanket.  (Can you ever have enough of those?)  Whatever we get, and deals we score is kind of icing on the cake.  When you are a responsible parent with kids there are few activities that you can pull all nighters for.  I'd like to go Toilet Paper someone's house, for the fun, for the laughter, for the rush, for the memories, but that ship has sailed.  I get one night a year to sing mini-van karaoke, raid 7-11 at 3:00 AM for a big gulp and a big bite, and run around breathing the crisp night air laughing in a tired hysteria with my buddies.  It's pretty awesome, and I highly recommend it.  

This year, lines were shorter, stores had more of the door busters, and I didn't have to be out all night. Which means I got a few hours of sleep and am wide awake enough to blog this and spend the rest of the day with my lovely family, whom I am grateful for, and done Christmas shopping for.  To the strangers who I met, the friendly cash register ringers, and the sweet little boy who helped us find the Bey Blades, it was fun and I appreciate you.  It's not all selfishness and tramples, guys.

You don't have to sell your soul to be a Black Friday Shopper.

The waiting place...

I think I’m learning that it’s the waiting place… The place between faith and fear.  And that in the waiting place it seems to be my posture that determines my experience here, and maybe even the length of time I remain.  The fruit that comes from lessons like these isn't birthed without pain. Maybe when it takes a while to work itself out, the lesson sticks with you longer.  This year has been so much about trusting God, knowing my identity, and walking it out. To begin believing that a Father gives His children good gifts, and that if He is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31. Our circumstances don’t determine our identity, our future, or His plans.  He is faithful to execute His will, which is right and good. Sometimes I think he might be waiting to, for us to get out of the way, and step in line.  This year has been a tremendous year of accomplishment.  And the funny thing is, this is the first year that I surrendered my attempts at a plan and just waited on Him.   In the moments of waiting… Waiting on financial provision, waiting on a place for Noah in school, waiting on relational healing, they felt like eternities.

 In retrospect, there have been monumental changes in the past twelve short months.  God has been nothing but faithful to complete the works He’s begun.  I don’t know what the next twelve will look like, but I know that where He leads, he makes provision.  In contemplating this weekend with the uncertainty of whether we’d get our house I mulled over God’s faithfulness in our lives.  I considered the significant lessons that the waiting place has taught me.  I remembered that Sarah did in fact, get her promised baby.  And I remembered that she was asked to lay him down.  Talk about the waiting place… can you imagine the journey that Abraham took with his precious promise in tow.  Sometimes when we lay down our most treasured, even dreams, God raises then up, and gives them back.

I think that for most of my own life, I’m either praying for a specific outcome, or just apathetic and waiting – Que Sera, Sera.  After all, the future’s not ours to see.  Whatever will be, will be.  Lately, maybe little more Que Sera. However this year, I think that it’s been a bit of learning a balance… of not just asking for something I want or think that I need. And it’s not about just throwing cares the wind, being apathetic about our future because it’s out of our hands anyway. It’s not about throwing our cares to the wind, but about casting them on Him… I think I missed significance of the difference.  When meditating on the scripture about casting our cares on Him,  I had a really difficult time understanding what exactly that meant.

When I was a little girl, my Dad taught me how to fish.  One of my earliest, fondest memories is of waking very early. So early I thought it was night.  He made breakfast, fed me grits, eggs, and loaded me up in the car. When we got where we were going, we loaded a boat with a friend of my Dad’s and his son… and watched the sun come up as we cast our lines into the water in hopes that fish would bite them.  I remember docks- in Florida, in Chesapeake, practicing the cast.  Really, throwing my weight into it.  At the time, it wasn't all that much weight! When you cast, you fling the line way out… But if you let go of the pole, you’ll just be standing empty on the edge of a bank.  I think that’s part of the irony.  You throw it as far as you can, as hard as you can… but you don’t let go. 

That’s the part I missed.  I don’t think He wants us to give up on caring, on hoping.  He just wants us to throw it into Him, to let Him surround it, like the water does to the line.  But I don’t think that He wants us to disconnect.  He wants the opposite.  For us to trust Him to do the rest.  And to trust Him with the outcome.  You want a fish every time you cast the line, but you don’t always get one. However, if you stop casting, you’ll never get one.

Brian woke up with the flu today.  I had it over the weekend.  He went straight to urgent care to get on some anti-flu medicine.  At 9:30 this morning I talked with an attorney who offered me little practical hope. I threw my line out, and remembered the One who holds my hopes. Two hours later he called back.  The title had been cleared and we could come close.  The house was ours.  Just like that. I burst into tears…. It was the first time that I really had really just broken down… It has been such a faith journey.  I had my house packed in boxes and had the flu to keep me in bed with nothing else to think about.  Not knowing where we would live was really tough and in true Heather fashion, I broke down afterword.  Which is maybe better then breaking down in the middle of it.

Fast forward… Brian’s medicine made him sick to his stomach.  I gave him some anti-nausea meds to counter act the other medication, and a garbage bag just in case.  And then, I was just another home buyer.  Instead of the agent, dressed all cute, I was the Mom.  In a pony-tail with three coughy kids and a husband in a surgical mask (germs people.)  We almost made it through the closing without incident.  And then,after multiple laps around the table Hannah spilled her water and announced that she was poopy.  Magical moments….

But we got it.  Our house.  On New Years Eve.  It wasn't a long painful day of waiting after all… Maybe it was because I finally agreed to lay it down, and learned to cast a little better?  I’ll never know. But I’ll always remember…. This could have gone either way. In the physical anyway, in the spirit realm, there was only one plan ever…. But in His infinite wisdom, He let me walk near Him, lean in and hold on…I didn’t let go this time… to the cares, but I did lay them down.  Turns out there’s a difference after all.