Safe and Secure....

I long to be safe and secure. In my life, my brokenness tends to present, well a number of different ways.... but one of them is this insatiable drive to keep things as perfect as possible.... I think its because if I can keep my life and those in it inside of a pretty little box, I can manage and minimize potential pain....

There are alot of problems with this type of pain management. The first, and most obvious perhaps to those of you that don't struggle with it, is that its a big fat joke. Managing and minimizing pain isn't possible, you're just trading one type of pain for another, one that you are responsible for. Another major downfall of perfectionism and control is that other people in your life don't seem to like being controlled. Some times you find a personality whose brokenness makes it difficult for them to make decisions and they are, for a time, happy to take orders for you, but as soon as they pursue wholeness: presto, they see you for what you really are.... There really is no joy in this type of existence. You see, for us perfectionist, critical, Type A, achievers, nothing is ever good enough. We live in a state of constant disappointment, using our perception of other peoples failures to ignore our own faults and support the lie, that we can do it better than anybody else. Regardless of what it is....

Eventually, you outgrow the affirmation you once achieved for being capable, able and willing to influence, and are resented, rejected and mad at the world inside your pretty little box.... Thank God. I think its hear when we examine what drives us and what its cost us that we can truly begin to see God's economy and his design for relationships in our lives.

He has called us into relationship with Him. Called us into relationship with others. That certainly guarantees pain. But he is our protector and desires for us to lean into him with our disappointments and sorrows. In the safety of his wing where we are safe and secure, where we learn to cultivate relationships with agape, sacrificial love, there we will find Joy. There we can rest easy. There we can truly be safe and secure.

And we can stop carrying the box and release others into his care as well... Its a sacrifice, but I suspect his way is so much lighter!

Psalm 16
Confidence in the LORD
1 Protect me, God, for I take refuge in You.
2 I [said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
I have no good besides You."
3 As for the holy people who are in the land,
they are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.
4 The sorrows of those who take another [god]
for themselves multiply;
I will not pour out their drink offerings of blood,
and I will not speak their names with my lips.
5 LORD, You are my portion
and my cup [of blessing];
You hold my future.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me
in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD who counsels me
even at night my conscience instructs me.
8 I keep the LORD in mind always.
Because He is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad,
and my spirit rejoices;
my body also rests securely.
10 For You will not abandon me to Sheol;
You will not allow Your Faithful One to see the Pit.
11 You reveal the path of life to me;
in Your presence is abundant joy;
in Your right hand are eternal pleasures.