Choosing to see...

We get to pick what we remember….  In every season, even those that are difficult, there are glimpses of hope and glory woven through the fabric of that particular time.  You just have to choose to see it.

This vacation wasn’t what we’d expected.  Or maybe it was…. Maybe my expectations have finally become about a heart perspective and not the circumstances that surround it.  I remember telling Brian that I just wanted to have quality time- with our children, with each other, with my Grandparents, and with my sweet Brother’s family.  “We can’t pick the weather, or the traffic” I said bravely “But we can pick our perspective.”  Choosing perspective is hard sometimes.

Somewhere buried in the depths of the rain, the poison ivy, the mystery stomach illness, lobster sunburns, Fifth’s Disease and vomit I realized that I was going to have to physically shift to change my view.  Like literally move so that my view would be better….  Pictures help.  Photographs don’t lie… They can be modified, altered, edited, but what’s on your camera catches the real deal.

You don’t take pictures of poison ivy rashes, and puke on stuffed animals.  They don’t make for good social media posts.  You capture the things you want to hold on to.  The things you want to remember forever. The moments in time you desperately want to freeze so that they are etched into our reality not bound by time and constant change.  Taking pictures forces you to change your view… maybe it’s why I like photography so much.  And maybe when I get better at focusing on what matters, I’ll be a little better at it.

So, I don’t have pictures of the mountains of vomit laundry, the rashes, the mud puddles, or the ER.  I do kind of wish I’d taken photos of Margaret and me laying under cloths soaked in Apple Cider vinegar (nothing but the best, it came fortified with the Mother!) trying to sooth our enflamed sun scorched skin.  (How in the WORLD did we forget to put sunblock on US? Someone had to care for all of those beautifully tanned babies!)  I’ve got to say though, I think it was a bonding moment, and pic or not, I’m not likely to forget it.  Everywhere we went we brought the aroma of Vinegar with us…. DELICIOUS!

What we did capture in photos was fabulous… and it’s what I’ll remember most about this infamous vacation….  Noah learning to play Uno for the very first time.  Julia driving the tractor that I drove a couple of decades ago, pulling her cousin and siblings in a trailer all around the property.  Hannah frolicking in the sand. Gavin’s superhero strength lifting his own weight on a pulley. Maggie toddling all about lighting up her room with her bright baby blues and toothy drooley grin. Olivia moving about in my belly.... making her presence known to her Daddy and anxious siblings. 

                                       

 Quiet conversations in the early morning with my Grandfather… Listening to some of the same old stories, and hearing some for the first time.  Hearing my Grandma explain how she beat Cancer. Twice.  And Heart Disease. And Sepsis.  “Because God never gives you too much.”  My Grandma has been resurrected from her death bed a whole bunch of times…. And she boils down how she got through it to the truth in the heart of every matter.  “Because God never gives you too much.”

Pondering the mysteries of life and motherhood with Margaret.  The revelation that maybe peace and joy is more than just about “not sweating the small stuff”… Maybe it’s about intentionally focusing on the important stuff.  Choosing to see what matters, and the things that are eternally significant.  Capturing the fleeting moments, quiet and whole.  If that is what captivates- our hearts, our attention, our emotion, our gaze… then all else just seems to fall right where it belongs… in the “Small Stuff” pile.

Perspective is a powerful thing.  It can change the view in front of us... and it can change the memories of your past... I'm learning to learn to focus manually, and not rely on auto focus.  Both in life, and behind my camera's lens...

Just in case you ever have the pleasure of a sickie in the car.  Here are some things you’ll need!

1. Bucket ( old cheap Easter bucket worked for us, but so would a sand pail!)

2. Small garbage bags or up-cycle used plastic grocery bags (is it up-cycling when it’s going to be a puke catcher?)

3. Paper towels or tissues

4. Wet Ones sanitizing wipes

5. Disinfectant spray (Daddies, Do not, I repeat DO NOT, spray your vomiting child.  Or clothes they are currently wearing. This is for non-living surfaces only. )

6. Rubber Gloves

7. Rehydrating fluids

8. Laughter- it goes along way, people.

 If you happen to have the bonus of a toddler with diarrhea:  Pull-ups work wonders, and there’s a rest area every thirty miles on 95.  We visited Every. Flipping. One. (Watch out for the overachieving auto flushing toilets though, they start flushing and spraying right about the time your bending over to pull up the little one’s pull up.  I swear I could feel sick germs assault me as they sprayed through the air.)