Empty Nest?

This week we made a decision about where to send Julia to school. I think. We visited several schools, private, magnet, and finally the school we are zoned for. The truth is, I'm not thrilled with any of the options. I'm not feeling directed to home school her and I won't attempt that without being specifically directed. To my surprise we were all (Brian, me and Jules) thrilled with the public school that we are zoned for. It's just a minute from our house, the principal was great, there are bathrooms in her classroom, the teacher looks like a Grandma I could hug and bake cookies with, and they made pink play dough with sparkles!!!!! The teacher (the Grandma looking one) has been referred to us by three separate different people, including Julia's current preschool teacher. (Who by the way, loves my daughter.)

So now, we write a letter, politely ask to be placed in this classroom, and play the game, hope and pray we get the teacher. But I know that if we do it'll be because God has placed Julia in that room, and if not He has someone else for her.

Oddly enough we're doing the same thing for our 20 month old. We are hoping for one of five slots for the preschool where Julia has been since she was two. They can only have six children under two and a half in the building at a time, and I really want Noah to be one of them. He's going to love it. He did not want to leave the classroom he shared with Julia while I met with teachers and the office. He hugged the woman who had been a stranger only an hour before and asked her to keep reading to him. He said "No Mama" when I asked him to go home. Even when I bribed him with juice and chicken nuggets. I didn't know what to feel. Julia's excited about kindergarten. My one year old doesn't want to leave the preschool. I should be happy right?

That my kids are well adjusted, that they do well in social situations. That they detach appropriately and know that I will come back for them. I mean, I am happy. They are all of those things. They are growing they are changing, they are expanding. I'm thrilled. And I'm sad. The bed was just the beginning now I'm signing school paperwork and putting Diego underwear on my baby boy. (who sits on the potty, but so far, that's about it.)

I'm sad, sad because they aren't infants any more. Sad because I'm not the only one that can feed them, sad because not only can other people meet some of their needs, but they should. I have to share them with the world. I have to trust them to my God. Am I ready? Are they?

At least in this stage of our life, where we are right now, I still work. I'm not a full time stay at home Mom. Some days my job requires hours at a time of my time and my kids are so good about going with the flow, but really, they get bored. They need more than I can give. That's hard for me to come to grips with. But this is good. I think. This is the right step. I think. I trust God. I think.

I know that I am probably over processing. This is a small step. But it's also a big step, the next step where we walk into the unknown and trust our Heavenly Father to light our path, guide feet, and care for us. For me, that's a really big step.