It Starts....

Happy New Year.... The beginning of 2009, a clean slate, a fresh start, another chance.... All of those happily coined phrases that we use to describe a new year, or even a new day got me thinking. It got me thinking of all that we bring from yesterday into our tomorrows.

I rang in the new year in an nearly empty waiting room of a local hospital. I sat with two dear friends as they anxiously awaited news on their suddenly critically ill father.... It gave me a little more perspective. I thought about all of the party goers who were celebrating shamelessly, the dedicated prayer warriors who brought in 2009 on their knees with hearts bent towards the Heavens. I thought about my sleeping children who have no concept of time except for "last day" and "next morrow" who innocently missed the significance of the ticking clock. I thought about my resolve to trust, resolve to hope, resolve to be positive.... and I glanced at my friends who's eyes bore shadows of fear.

The new year is supposed to be hopeful. It is suppose to birth the dreams of yesterday, give us a chance to accomplish what we meant to, but didn't. Give us the opportunities we missed before, surprise us with uncertainties. "It's going to be a good year, I can feel it, we're due a good year" I heard myself telling my friend, willing my heart to believe it. "It's going to be a journey of ups and downs," she replied "like any other year".

I think she's right. I think a more reasonable thing to hope for is that we will fare well on the journey. Be faithful in to walk the path He sets before us, choose to let what doesn't kill us make us stronger, instead of bitter, and learn to handle our life and all it's uncertainties with authenticity and grace. I've come to this conclusion because I have had the shear privilege of knowing others who have succeeded in this area.

I have been thinking alot about those clichés, the ones we use to describe a new year, a new resolution, and though the often are cloaked in the the guise of hope, they seem to me to be steeped in regret. I guess I don't want to go into tomorrow thinking about what I didn't get done today. I don't want to set this year up to pay retribution for last years failures, and I really don't want a "clean slate". I don't want to forget the lessons I've learned through my stumbles, the healing that came after the pain, or the way it felt to lay it down. I don't want a sense of shame and regret to shape my tomorrow, but I want the beauty that came from the ashes to still be evident.

My friends are still awaiting answers to their questions, still waiting for their Dad to improve, and still hoping that tomorrow will look better than today did. It's been a difficult few days, more difficult for them than I can even imagine, but difficult for me to even observe the journey they are facing. I look for opportunities to celebrate in the midst of the pain. Here are some that I observed.... the two sisters who's bond is growing stronger over their shared love for a Father. The wife who has had no one other than her husband who is being given the opportunity to experience love and support from those around her, the sweet time of prayer in the waiting room that touched the heart of a stranger who's tears fell freely, the presence of Our Heavenly Father, who has been present through it all. It's about the journey, it's about perspective, it's about the process....

2009 will be a year of ups and downs like any other year. There will be births, there will be deaths, their will be triumphs and there will be pain. My resolve is to celebrate the ups a little louder, and lean in to Him who sustains me for the downs. It's not the fact that the calender rolled over that provides me with new opportunities, for His mercies are new every morning. My resolve is to hold on to that truth, and to be content with the journey keeping my eye on Him, not on my proposed destination.