Trust

Last year in February my daughter’s school (Summit Christian Academy) had priority enrollment for returning families.  In Real Estate, often you find yourself in a situation of feast or famine, and at the time, I really needed to wait a few months before we had the funds for enrolling Julia, and upcoming kindergartener Noah. We were really trying to be good stewards and didn’t want to borrow the money.  Also, we knew that if we waited a few months then we’d have plenty so we didn’t want to apply for assistance from the school.

Two months later when we sat down with the principal to discuss enrolling the children, she informed us that there was in fact, a waiting list for kindergarten.  With five kids on it.  I shook my head… but what does that mean? She explained as tenderly as she could that we’d waited too long and kindergarten was full, and then some. 

In a very un-Heather like moment I burst into tears.  I wasn’t hearing her words any more.  I was imagining balancing three children in three different schools with different start times and holidays.  I wondered if we could pull that off for a year if there’d be any difference and if we could even get him in for first grade.  I was imagining having to tell Julia that she couldn’t be with her friends, who she loves, because we couldn’t stay at the school that we loved because I’d failed.  Failed to sign them up quick enough.  Failed to make enough money.  Failed to plan accurately.  I was devastated.  We added Noah’s name to the waiting list and pulled out of the parking lot. 

My head was spinning.  We were going to have to visit schools, meet with administrators, look at new fee schedules… we didn’t have time to add this to our crazy life.  But when I slowed down and took a breath, I felt almost a burden to rest…. It was almost like God was reminding me that He had this all under control.  I didn’t feel released to do ANYTHING… I really felt like this was a season where I waited on Him, to guide and direct.  So I didn’t Google any schools.  I didn’t make any calls.  I didn’t do anything.  And that felt really weird, and honestly irresponsible. 

It only felt irresponsible because I’m so independent.  Which really at the end of the day means despite the fact that I muck things up on a regular basis I’m still inclined to trust my human efforts over the sovereign destiny my Father has for me.

There’s a fine line between doing things in excellence and striving in our own strength.  There’s a fine line between fear and wisdom.  Sometimes fear causes me to strive, but I pretend like I’m properly planning, and being wise.  Real wisdom never asks you to take your eyes off of the One who spoke the world into existence and places responsibility on the shoulders of imperfection.

Fast forward…. Noah got into Summit.  Turns out they had so much interest they started another class.  I was temped to lament the fact that Noah would be in a different class than Julia had been… But then I reminded myself that God was orchestrating the whole process.

Noah’s teacher is wonderful. She is kind and driven by a big heart with love for Jesus and her students.  She inspires the kids to learn.  She is perfect for my little man cub.  And God knew that.  And He knew that if I’d done things “according to schedule” Noah would have missed being in her class.  This wonderful, smaller class, with kids that he knew from his preschool where he was destined to be

Noah is learning how to read.  And write his name.  And what numbers represent.  And that Jesus loves Him, and that he is writing his Jesus story right now…. And I’m learning.  Learning that His ways are higher than ours. Isaiah 55:9  Sometimes in the middle of the unknown, we can't see what's around the corner.  Sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to.  Sometimes, they work out better.

I just got to go on a field trip with my boy…. I watched his eyes wide in wonder.  I watched him laugh with his friends.   I watched him learn and play and I was grateful.  Grateful that God is directing his steps… and mine too when I choose to rest and trust in Him.

His thoughts are higher than ours… His ways are higher than ours.  His plans…. They are even better than hours…. So we can rest, and hope and be confident in His plans for us.

I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord.

They are plans for:

(peace, completeness, wellness, soundness)

and not

(adversity, affliction, bad, calamity, displeasure, distress)

Plans to give you a hope for your future….

Jeremiah 29:11

I pray that God, the source of Hope will fill you completely with joy and peace, because you trust in Him.  Then you will overflow with the confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Romans 15:13

My Favorite Pics from Belmont Pumpkin Farm

Perspective....

So.... I took the kids camping.  Well,  Erin and I took the kids camping.  As it turns out, Erin and I make a terrific team and the weekend was wondrous!  It was a bit intimidating, because Brian had previously committed to going to an NFL game and choosing to go camping with my brother and his wonderful family was exciting and a bit scary without the support and assistance of my sweet husband. My brother booked the sites back in the spring time.  When my brother Nate goes camping he always goes to Crabtree falls in the western part of Virginia.  It's tucked away in the Blue ridge mountains, just outside of skyline drive.  The campground is nestled right along the banks of the Tyre river, and the waters that run come cascading down Crabtree falls.  According to Wikipedia:  Crabtree falls is one of the tallest sets of waterfalls in the US east of the the Mississipi.  It's credited as being 1200 feet high and has a series of five major cascades.

Nate only believes in tent camping, right along the river.  A minimum of a five minute walk from the parking lot, with no water or electricity on the sites...  The campsites are private, and secluded, far from other campers, and city noise.  Due to the canopy of trees, you can only see shadows and the glimmer of brilliant stars.  The river provides a soothing serene ambiance.  Cooking happens over the open flame of the campfire, or a camp stove.  I know that roughing it is completely subjective, but taking three little ones to a campsite in sub thirty degrees with no heat was a little nerve wracking.

Erin and I ran the show like a machine,  loading up kids and wheel barrow we had the tent established in less than ten minutes and the  car unpacked about a half hour.  We set up beds.  We put on jackets, we started a fire....

The weekend had everything that a camping trip should.  It had s'mores, and hikes, and fires, and and hotdogs and coffee from a percolator.  It had jackets, and runny noses, and leaves, and dirt and grime.  It had cuddles by a fire, and the laughter of children and falling leaves and gravel paths.   It had frigid cold temps, and cuddling just to stay warm.... it had glimmering sunshine through the trees.  It had solitude, and simplicity, and the hard manual work of lifting and carrying and setting up and tearing down.  And it had lessons... so many life lessons.

Not everything went perfect.  Despite our best efforts, and near perfection, Erin and I made the slightest mistake in setting up the tent.  I think that itsy bitsy mistake cost us about 15 degrees that night.  It was so very cold....  Two out of three of my children fell in the Tyre river.  The third has a bald spot from where she got gum stuck in her hair.  There were falls, and a twisted ankle, and tears.  Everybody was exhausted and each of the kids asked to go home separately and at least once...

Surprisingly,  that's not really what I remember. It's not what the kids remember either.  They remember:  Laughing.  Playing. Singing.  Praying. Hiking.  Cuddling.  Campfires.  S'mores.  They remember having an adventure.  Conquering the cold.  Being a family.  Climbing a mountain.  Seeing a waterfall. Roasting marshmallows. Building a fire.

I remember... Being given the chance to take a chance at living life....  and taking the risk.  The risk of getting lost, the risk of messing up the tent, the risk of cold, the risk of failure... and taking the chance to live....  and embrace the good with the bad... and the reward, was oh so worth it. In the freezing, frigid 24 degree weather... I felt alive....  When I was cleaning up my kids and drying them off, and drying their shoes, I felt alive....  When they laughed, when we hugged, when I comforted and carried them... I felt alive.  

And I realized, that I always have a choice.  I can choose what captures my gaze... What monopolizes my thoughts... to what I dedicate my attention... my energy, my worship.....

I have felt recently like I'm being challenged to focus my attention... Not on what is directly in front of me... but on what we can not see.... because it seems to be those things that matter.  The eternally significant, the forever moments that can pass by... I can be safe, or I can live... but I'm not sure I can do both.....  I am choose life.  Life without worry... or anxiety or fear....

For so long I've heard: be anxious for nothing... that's so hard for someone like me. Because I'm a doer, not watcher.  I don't know how to not... only to do.  So without an alternative to not being anxious.... well I'm just anxious.  Recently while reading in Matthew 6 something struck me.  You know the scripture.  Everyone does, consider the Lilies, don't worry... etc.  But one verse stuck out.  

"Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body.  When your eye is good your whole body is filled with light."  Matthew 6:22

I think that what got to me was that there was a revelation that I could do something, something active not just choosing to not be anxious, but really choosing what to focus on.  Because if our focus is clear, and holy, than our whole lives are filled with His light... 

"So we fix our gaze, not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

The mess doesn't matter.  Literally or figuratively.  If we focus on what is directly in front of us, instead of on Him who holds the stars in His hands... Then our vision isn't clear.  When our vision is distorted, everything is dark and confused.  

There really is a choice... what captivates our attention....  I'm choosing light. One day at a time... And I'm waking up... just a little more every moment....

Some of my favorite memories:

 Consider the Lilies....